inside looking out

ta shi wo ai te ren

2008-03-13T02:09:00.000-07:00

just when i thought everything is now alright
you came like a thief in the middle of the night
i was minding my own life enjoying my time
but you got my attention, you're locked in my sight

ever sine i have come to know the real you
my world rocked my mind is now in a limbo
knowing you is like drinking salt water
the more i drink, the more i become thirsty

magically, you make me happy deep inside
magically, this feeling just won't subside
magically, it's only you who can bring this joy
magically, i am thankful and grateful beyond words

as the days go by this feeling inside grows
the past pain became invisible in its shadows
i don't want it to go away, in it i am at ease
oh! and who said that ignorance is a bliss?

i can see love in your eyes, feel it in your touch
each time i come to hold you and see your smile
i can feel the warmth of being cared for in your arms
here is my refuge, here is my home, here i will stay

charmed by your smile, lost in your eyes
where have you been, been searching all my life
but now that i got you here beside me
expect me to be the man you want me to be

as long as you want to stay, you may
and i will do everything to keep you from harm's way
mark these words because this much i can promise
you and you alone sit at the top of my priority list

free hugs, anyone?

2007-12-11T01:48:00.000-08:00

lately, i have been busy at my work. we all have to work, don't we? but in the environment i am in right now, they mean business. everything is done the proper way. everything and everyone has their role to play and they play it with passion. with burning desire to deliver the best product there is. better than the client is expecting actually.

so you might ask me if i still have a life. sure i don't have a girlfriend and only a few select friends. add to that my work that requires most of my waking hours. but yes i still have a life. well maybe not as healthy as most of you guys but hey, i'm happy. i decided to be happy. whatever reason i have or i have not, i decided to smile upon my life. life is beautiful. life is happy. i see no reason why i should not be happy.

or so i thought. before, i always look forward to christmas like a child who's expecting that his wish will be granted by santa. no i think santa from the north pole exists but i do believe that santa is within us. we can be somebody's santa. we can grant the wish of anybody we think deserves to have his wish granted. yes, i'm like that every single year. but this year, due to concentration to my job, i failed to notice that christmas is just 14 days away. oh yes i failed to enjoy the waiting for christmas for i am sure that the following days will still be so busy for my to count the days, hours and minutes to christmas. so do i still have life? i'm not so sure now.

last weekend, i was with a friend and we are just talking somewhere in ortigas when two strangers, chinese looking fellows approached us, smiling. i can't help but smile back. then they hold out a piece of paper with writings just big enough for us to read from the distance we had. it reads "free hugs". i smiled even bigger. then we hugged. i heard about the hug therapy and its effect to people but i never really appreciated that until that day. i felt happy from deep inside me. i watched them walk away under the scorching heat of the sun. i thought they were happy. happy to spread happiness to strangers they walk accross with. suddenly i felt christmas. most of us thinks that christmas is just for children. if that is true then i am, in every sense of the word, a child. a child who is just so happy that christmas is a season to be jolly. not really to be kind to everybody but just to be happy. but this time, happiness for me to make other people happy.

i'm giving away free hugs, anyone?

becoming a tiger

2007-10-19T03:48:00.000-07:00

i am now working in accenture and one of their slogan is "go on. be a tiger." it simply means that you can surpass yours and others expectations of you. becoming a tiger means that what ever you do, you must always give that extra effort so that being excellent is just a routine. getting appreciation and being applauded is just another day in the office. they even have a banner of a rabbit wearing yellow and black stripes. haha. i really like that one.

oh and yes i am part of accenture now which means that i have that tiger attitude within me and they saw that. i always know and believed that i am somewhat a tiger. but have i always exercised being a tiger? let me see.

year 2002 was the year i earned my degree in mathematics. not so easy degree, yes. i will have to agree with that. but i was a tiger. i approached each challenges that came my way with so much energy and optimism. taking up at least two higher math courses per semester is really draining. physically and mentally. i got through them. not unscratched but the thing is, i got through. with bonuses actually. my mentors and professors recognized my talent and i was sent to compete in UP Math Club Annual Search for Math Wizard three times. i was noticed when i beat a sophomore in math quiz bee held in PUP when i was a freshman. i showed them that i was a tiger.

after graduation, i applied for a position in accenture. i took the exam and passed it. it was far the most difficult exam i took as far as i can remember. i never really thought that i would pass that exam. i was so drained after that exam. that evening i was told that i passed the exam and that i should expect their call the following day. i had a phone interview the day after that. again, i passed. i was told to come to their HR office after that and man, i was so overwhelmed. i arrived at exactly the time i was told to come but i should have come earlier as they observed my attitude towards waiting. one thing that i really hate is to wait. i'm very particular with time. then came the most annoying interview i ever had in my entire life. i got annoyed. i lost the job opportunity. i wasn't a tiger. i was just a cub who cowed away in annoyance.

years passed. i had gone to another company where i let myself grow, technically and professionally. and then an unexpected call came. it is from accenture inviting me for a technical interview which i gladly attended to. i know better this time. i passed all their interview. i had three interviews in three hours that day. i showed them that the cub i was when i first applied for a position in their company is now a tiger.

thrilling F1 finish

2007-10-18T02:09:00.000-07:00

the 17th and last race of the 2007 season of formula 1 will take place this sunday at interlagos in brazil and boy! what a thrill we are having. three drivers are slugging it out for the crown. man oh man! can it get better than this? i don't think so. rookie lewis "golden boy" hamilton (i don't like him for some reason) leads the standing with 107 points, double world champion fernando alonso in second with 103 points and kimi "the iceman" raikonnen is in third with one hundred points.

all of them has a chance to win the championship. so ok, what needs to happen for each driver to win the championship? in a formula 1 grand prix, drivers who finished in top will score 10, 8, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2 and 1 respectively. so for hamilton to win, he just need to finish at least second in the last race. for alonso to win, he must finish ahead of kimi and get at least four more points than hamilton. if, say, alonso won the brazilian GP and hamilton finished third, they will both have 113 points but as of the moment, the two drivers both have 4 wins. so if alonso wins his fifth this sunday, the crown will be given to him and he will be the champ for three consecutive years. among the three, kimi' s chances is the least and for him to win, he has to win the race, alonso must not finish higher than third and hamilton not higher than 6th. kimi has one advantage though. his team mate felipe massa is no longer in the hunt for the championship so he can get some help from this guy but still, i think an almighty hand will have to interfere in the race for this happen.

whatever is at stake, expect these three drivers to give their all especially when they all have a fresh engine for this race. i wish them all the best.

i read about my favorite driver, kimi, in wikipedia and found out that he is currently the highest paid F1 driver earning a basic, take note, basic salary of US$51M annually. that's Php 2.3B and all you have to do is drive around 17 races a year, travel around the globe and have your photos taken. of course there's a lot of sacrifices and dangers with this kind of job but man, that's Php 2.3B. i'm not sure if lucio tan is earning the same but one thing i am sure of is that kimi is free from problems like loans, business strategies etc etc. add to that figure the sponsorships, TV rights and other stuffs. if i were him, i'd race for 5 years and then retire my way, laughing, rolling, through the bank.

i really can't get over it man.

i'm starting to love sundays at home

2007-10-13T23:46:00.000-07:00

i used to hate sundays. it's so boring and damn, i've got nowhere to go. the shows on TV are not of my taste and it doesn't seem to meet my wavelength. radio stations play songs way beyond what my parents' age and i can't bear listening to them for long.

but lately, sports channels offer great entertainment. hell yeah! it's the MLB postseason (ALCS and NCLS) and the action is so intense that a game lasts for more than three hours (11 innings). it can't get any better than that. though my head aches after a game because of prolonged sitting in front of TV. honestly, i'm not a TV fan. i'd rather go out and have a chat with my friends rather than waste my whole day watching TV. but the sportsman in me really gets excited when big games are on.

then julio diaz and juan diaz slugged it out today too. holyfield challenged ibraginov for the heavyweight title. i got bored with holyfield and watched ranma 1/2 instead. hahaha. but the diazes showed pacquiao should think a lot of times first before challenging either of them. they are both strong and they can give a lot of punishment to their opponent as well as take punishments too. i just love it.

and later tonight, two of stephen chow's well loved movies will be shown of rival TV networks. heck, i don't care what network will air those movies as long as i get to see them once again. but really, my head aches like hell that is why i took a walk and here i am in an internet cafe and sitting once again. hahaha. how ironic. i left the house because i don't like sitting a lot but here i am sitting on my ass once again.

i don't think i will be able to see stephen chow's movies tonight. i have important things to tell my best friend and it's gonna take a while. i am actually thinking if i'm going to post an open letter to him here. that remains to be seen. it depends on how bored i will get here.

argh! sundays!

sportsfest sunday

2007-10-07T00:18:00.000-07:00

formula 1: raiknonnen stomped his authority in china to take the checkered flag on this race. i really liked the race because he once again displayed his true ability behind the steering wheel. he made a very good move on hamilton as he took the lead for the race from the championship leader. although hamilton is still very likely to win the title, my loyalty remains with kimi. well, i'm a loyal person, at least i think i am. i really hope that kimi wins the title even if i'm not expecting it anymore. actually, i didn't like him moving to ferrari because my loyalty is with mclaren mercedes team. so for now, i am cheering for both kimi and the mclaren team.

boxing: manny pacquiao proved to the world that his win over barrera four years ago wasn't a fluke. he beat barrera again though not by a knock-out, it is still convincing. barrera used the ring to evade manny's powerful punches but he still suffered an ugly cut on his face. manny is simply too powerful for him to survive. no matter what barrera says, everybody knows how badly he was beaten. after the fight, barrera retired. he retired in an ugly manner. i really do not like it. i'm going to elaborate it here.

the many things running in my idle mind

2007-09-07T00:59:00.000-07:00

my typical working day:

5:45am - wake up time (prepare for work)
6:30am - take off from house to workplace
8:00am - arrive at office (get a cup of coffee)
8:00am - 12:00nn - magbasa, maglaro at magbasa uli
12:00nn - 1:30pm - lunch break
1:30pm - 5:30pm - magbasa, makinig sa lecture, at magbasa uli
5:30pm - take off from workplace to house (sobrang sakit na ng mata ko)
7:30pm - arrive at house (higa)
9:00pm - bangon, kain, ligo
9:30pm - sound trip hanggang makatulog
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kobe bryant and my wrong impression

i don't like kobe bryant. he thinks he can win a game by scoring heavily. he even scored 81 points at one time. what does it tell me? he takes a lot of shot and he's not sharing the ball. i play basketball myself and i play the pointguard position. i know the importance of sharing and distributing the ball. it helps a lot in making a better shot selection that leads to better field goal percentage and that will lead to better chances of winning.

this week (i don't know the exact day), kobe visited the country. it is his second visit but he visited for the same reason as before. that is to endorse the sports wear that he wear. i wasn't excited about it after all i don't like him. but that didn't stop me from reading articles about his visit. i learned a lot. and really, i had the wrong impression about him. it doesn't mean though that i like him now. no, that's not it. it's just that my negative impression of him diminished.

one writer said that on his first visit, kobe had a long day and was very tired. and there is this little girl named kathryn, who was a basketball varsity for la salle zobel, who wanted to have a picture of her taken with kobe. kobe was about to walk out of the venue (i forgot whether it's cuneta astrodome or araneta coliseum) when he learned about kathryn and her desire. kobe stopped then turned around, took photos with kathryn, chatted a while, and eat some bite. i was touched by the story. i thought that he had a giant ego thinking of how he plays on the hardcourt and considering that he was just 19 at that time. the writer also said that it is the kobe he wants to remember. reading further, i learned that he especially included in his itenerary a time with students of a certain school. he didn't changed in that light. he had a soft spot for children. that's what i like about him. and i liked him just now.

kathryn, if my memory serves me right, is one the unfortunate children who were included in a roller coaster accident in alabang town center. she lost her left arm. that little girl also touched my heart a lot because even though she lost her arm, and her basketball career too, she didn't take it negatively. in fact, i read somewhere before that she even joked that she wore a swatch watch at the time of accident but when she saw her arm, it was gone. look at how tough she can get. i sure hope she is doing well right now.

thoughts....

2007-08-15T19:31:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since i wrote a blog entry in pure english. how i missed it. hahaha.

i really like it when it rains. it suits my every mood and everytime it rains, i feel that everything goes in slow motion. i tend to relax and have a good mood. laughter is sure to follow. what i really like about the rain is that whatever am i feeling, the rain seem to share it with me.

anger - every drop of the rain create a thundering sound as they hit the ground, roof, whatever. it feels like the heavens drop everything to earth to make sure that earth listens to whatever it has to say. and it is doing it effectively.

happiness - as the drops of water hit the ground, they seem to be dancing merrily. it's like inviting everybody to have a good time and dance with them. nobody's excused. every person has to laugh and go crazy. let their hair down. get wet and laugh to your heart's content.

sadness - the air and cold wind gives an atmosphere of gloom and sadness and the heaven is pouring its heart out. the pain we have inside, all those frustrations grow heavier as we watch the rain. the flood can't wash them away. it never can will. during the rain is the best time to cry i think. drown yourself, scream your lungs out and let the pain escape you. nobody will hear. the rain will make sure of that for you.

the wanting to sing - all these sum to one thing. the rain create a beautiful music altogether in itself. the howling of the wind. the thunder. the drops of water. everything.

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and speaking of rain, there are times when i can't help but curse the rain no matter how i like it when it' raining. maybe the rain knew how much i like it that's why yesterday, whenever i am about to walk, it would rain so hard. and when i'm aboard, the rain would stop. curse it!

it's drinie aguilar

2007-08-11T01:21:00.000-07:00

aysus! mali pala yung alam ko dati. akala ko diane aguilar. drinie pala. aysows! kaya nung malaman ko ang tamang pangalan nya, nag search agad ako sa google.

ang nakuha ko lang na info sa kanya ay ang mga sumusunod:

nag high school sya sa la salle zobel blah blah blah

nag host sya ng ASAP dati

kaya ayun, tama pala ang sinabi ng kapatid ko na isa syang pinay. san kaya sya nakatira? sana ok lang sa kanya na dalawin ko sya. muka lang naman akong goon pero hindi naman ako masamang tao. masama lang talaga ichura haha.

the problem with hello is goodbye

2007-07-26T17:10:00.000-07:00

i'm now having my terminal leave. i thought at first that i will enjoy it as much as i enjoy a cup of coffee with my friends but i was so wrong. as i tidy up my place yesterday, i am so gloomy that i move ever so slowly that i won't mind if i take forever whatever it is that i am doing.

our quarters is my home for over two years. it also houses some of my best memories. those happy moments with my batchmates, senoirs and juniors that are priceless. i will never let go of those memories for the world. those horseplaying and endless taunts will be with me for the rest of my life.

of course it is not always good. i had some fights in that quarters. though nothing became really serious, i think it helped strengthen our friendships.

in that quarters we began our military lives. during our training, we are so tired everyday that the moment our backs touched our beds we fell asleep right away. all the body pain, the mental torture and emotional punishments we went through taught us more than endurance and perserverance. i think i am a better person now than before i became a military man. i can say that i am so proud that for once in my life, i am a soldier of the Philippines.

i still remember my first hello to the people of Army Management Information Center and their first hello to me. they made me do countless exercises that gave me two weeks of hell. weird and ridiculous as it may seem while i'm doing it, now i know that it's something i can be proud of. it's something i can share to my children to be. grandchildren to be. i'm just so happy that i have such story to share.

though i know that we will still meet someday, somewhere, we had to say goodbye to each other. it's not permanent i know but still it makes me sad. when i received my plaque of appreciation, tears flowed from my eyes. not because my effort is finally appreciated but it will be the last that they will give me as an active military man.

let me say this once again, let's meet again in a different place.

batibot

2007-07-23T00:18:00.000-07:00

nung sabado (sabado nga ba?) napanood ko sa kapuso mo jessica soho yung segment nya tungkol sa batibot. naalala kong pinapanood ko yun nung bata pa ko pero ang hindi ko alam eh talagang fanatic pala ako sa batibot noon. kilala ko pa ang halos lahat ng character ng batibot. mula kay kiko matsing, pong pagong, ate sienna at kuya bodjie. it's like wow! after a long time nakita ko uli silang lahat. simulan na ang reminiscing.

eto ang listahan ng mga kabisado ko pang kanta sa batibot. note, wala akong kodigo ng lyrics ngayon kaya pagbigyan nyo na ko kung may mga mali:

opening theme:

pagmulat ng mata laging nakatawa sa batibot, sa batibot
tayo nang magpunta, tuklasin sa batibot ang tuwa, ang saya
doon sa batibot tayo na tayo na
mga bata sa batibot maliksi masigla
doon batibot tayo na tayo na
mga bata sa batibot.... maliksi..... masigla

ako ay kapitbahay:

ako ay kapitbahay, kapitbahay nyo
laging handang tumulong sa inyo
kilala nyo ako, kilala nyo ako
ako'y isa sa kapitbahay, kapitbahay ninyo.
(repeat)

alin ang naiba:

alin alin alin ang naiba
isipin kung alin ang naiba
isipin isipin isipin kung alin
isipin kung alin ang naiba

eto hindi lyrics pero eto lagi yung mantra ni manang bola tuwing may gusto syang itanong sa perlas nya.

perlas na bilog wag tutulog-tulog
sabihin na sa kin ang sagot
ba... be-bi... bo-bu

miss ko na ang batibot. sana magkaroon uli ng palabas na ganito ang tema at kalibre para may mapanood naman na maayos ang mga magiging anak ko.

kawalan ng maisusulat

2007-07-16T03:40:00.000-07:00

sabi ko nung isang linggo, magsusulat ako ng bagong blog entry. hindi nangyari.
sabi ko three days ago, magsusulat ako ng bagong blog entry. hindi nangyari.
sabi ko kahapon, magsusulat ako ng bagong blog entry. hindi nangyari.
kailangang ngayon may maisulat na ko kahit walang wenta. eto na!

hindi ko alam kung anong ginagawa ko sa buhay ko lately. lost ba. ang sigurado ko, nag-eenjoy ako. pero parang paglalasing na may hang-over, hindi ko ata gusto ang hang-over ko. ano ba talagang gusto kong mangyari sa buhay ko? sama na lang uli ako sa agos. pero hanggang kelan? damn!

nung isang linggo, nanood ako ng F1 race. religion na yun para sa kin. hindi pwedeng palampasin ang bawat karera. kung hindi mapapanood ng live dahil sa isang importanteng lakad, may replay naman. nanalo si kimi raikkonen. pero hindi flashy. nakayari lang sa pit stop. hindi naman ako nagrereklamo pero gusto ko ng aksyon. sa susunod na karera siguro. this sunday na yun.

ang tagal ko ng naghahanap ng picture ni diane aguilar sa internet. wala akong makita kahit isa. si diane aguilar ang host ng "game" sa star sports. tungkol sa PC at console gaming ang show nya. ang ganda nya. sabi ng kapatid ko, pinay daw sya. pwede ko kaya syang dalawin sa bahay nila?

july 16 na. ilang tulog na lang at july 25 na. hinihintay ko ang araw na yun. last day ko na kasi as active military man. pag iisipan ko pa kung magpapa-enlist ako as reservist. sa ngayon hindi yun ang importante. mas kailangan kong makumpleto ang requirements ko sa accenture. pumirma ako ng two-year contract sa kanila. kailangan ko rin pala ng passport. dapat ko nang maayos ang birth certificate ko. minsan gusto kong sisihin ang magulang at lola ko sa problema kong yun.

hindi na ko ganong nakakapag-post sa BB. wala na kong makitang interesante. pasilip-silip na lang ako. pag may nakita akong mukang masaya, post lang. pero madalas wala eh. boring na rin kasi makipag-bangayan. gusto ko naman sana ng healthy intellectual discussion o kaya debate kaso lang....

may tae-bo pa kami bukas ng madaling araw pero hindi pa ko natutulog. wala pa rin kasi ako sa mood. nakakasawa na rin yung mga nilalaro kong mapa sa warcraft. kahit dota nakakasawa na. hindi naman ako magaling. kung ire-rate ko ang sarili ko ng 1-5, 5 being the korean level, nasa 3 lang ako. marami pa kong dapat i-improve sa laro ko. pero sawa na ko. gusto kong magbasketball bukas ng umaga. may maglalaro kaya? sana meron. sasali ako kahit sinisipon ako.

818 na ang unread messages ko sa gmail ko. tinatamad pa kong ayusin yung mails ko dun kakatapos ko lang kasi sa yahoo. unlimited na pala ang mailbox ng yahoo mail. ayaw patalo sa gmail. nung mag sign up ako sa gmail, cutting edge pa ang inbox nila. 1GB. ngayon nasa 2.8GB na ata sila. and still counting. pero kailangan ko ba talaga ng malaking inbox? sa celphone ko kasi hindi ako nagse-save ng mga messages eh. pag napuno inbox ko, bura agad lahat lahat. masyado akong tamad para mag-filter ng mga buburahin. siguro next week ko na aayusin yung gmail ko.

kanina, nagtutugtugan ang mga juniors ko dito sa tabi ng mesa kung san ako nagsusulat. na-delay tuloy ng dalawang oras ang pag post ko nito kasi nagkakatuwaan sila talaga at maingay. hindi ako makapag-concentrate. ayoko rin maging KJ at patigilin sila. lenient ako sa kanila. kahit pwede ko silang sigawan at palabasin ng kwarto ayokong gawin. gusto ko kasi harmonious ang relationships namin dito as professionals.tsaka gusto ko rin yung may acoustic jamming paminsan minsan.

kailangan ko ng external hard disk. wala akong mahiraman. wala pa rin akong perang pambili. pano na ngayon ito? sana bukas umulan ng piso. o kaya kahit limang pisong coin. kahit masakit sa ulo, lalabas ako at mangongolekta kasi kailangang kailangan ko lang talaga. o kaya umulan na lang ng external hard disk. kahit yung 10GB lang isa. kukuha na lang ako ng apat.

salamat at may nai-post din akong bago blog entry.

best jim croce song

2007-07-03T00:14:00.001-07:00

makulay ang buhay sa sinabawang gulay

excited ng umalis

2007-07-02T23:39:00.000-07:00

sa wakas matatapos na ang term ko dito. may terminal leave pa kong pwedeng i-avail so lalong napaaga ang pag alis ko. wala naman akong pinagsisisihan. hindi lang talaga ako para sa pagsusundalo.

taong 2004, nag-check ako ng email ko at gaya ng dati, marami na namang laman. chain emails, spam messages tsaka job alerts. binura ko yung mga walang wentang emails tsaka tinignan yung job alerts. magdadalawang taon na kong walang maayos na trabaho. pakiramdam ko wala akong kwenta. pero eto may job alert ako. programming trainee. inuna ko pag tignan yung qualifications kesa sa kung anong company ba yung naghahanap. ang totoo nyan, wala na kong pakialam sa company. importante magkatrabaho ako. pasado ako sa qualifications nag apply ako. pagkatpos ng isang linggo, check uli ako ng email at iyun, shortlisted ako sa in-apply-an ko. pinapapunta ako para sa IQ test. ngayon ko naisip tignan kung anong company ba yun. ARMY MANAGEMENT INFORMATION CENTER. wow! parang ayoko kasi bata pa lang ako wala na sa plano kong magsundalo o pumasok sa institusyon nito. pero dahil nga sa wala akong trabaho, sumugod na rin ako.

pagpunta ko sa gate ng kampo, ang daming military police lahat may dalang baby armalite. great! pasok ako sa AMIC. nag-test. maghintay na lang daw uli ng tawag kung pasok ba kami sa cut-off. kasi sampu lang ang kukunin pero 600 kaming aplikante. nanghina ako. napakakonti ng kukunin. mahihirapan ako nito. pagtapos ng ilang araw, tinawagan ako at pinapabalik sa AMIC. pasok ako sa cut-off. ayus to. pagbalik ko sa AMIC, binigyan ako ng libro. textbook. 600 pages. kailangan kong tapusin within 3 days. bale tungkol sa java programming yung libro. sa loob din ng tatlong araw na iyon, kailangan kong gumawa ng isang java application. patay na. dito na ko matatapos. pero sinubukan ko pa rin. isip ako ng isip kung anong application ang maganda. sundalo ang titingin ng gawa ko. kailangan attractive sa kanila ang app ko. tama, game app ang gagawin ko. anong game? lotto. mahilig ang pinoy sa lotto. gumawa ako ng game app na nagco-compute ng probability ng number na tinayaan mo sa lotto na manalo ng jackpot. mathematician ako kaya madali lang sa kin yun. instant hit ang game app ko kahit hindi tapos. pumasa din ako sa technical interview. sa madaling sabi, natanggap ako. out of 600, napasama ako sa sampu. may trabaho na ko.

ngayon patapos na ko dito. excited na ko. pero oo, pinaghirapan ko pa rin ang pagpasok ko dito. hindi ito isang bagay na inabot lang sa kin. oo naging masaya ako dito pero masaya din ako na aalis na ko dito.

2007-06-08T22:54:00.001-07:00

sarap sa tenga.... inlab nga ata ang scudi

Let me dive in
to pools of sin
Wet black leather on my skin
Show me the floor
Lay down the law
I need to taste you more

Then I feel your sea
Raining down on me
Can this be my once in a lifetime
Hell's at heaven's door
As I need you more
You know you're my once in a lifetime

When you take me
You make me cry
Then I feel you satisfy
Show me the cage
It's all the rage
And lock it up

Found a part of me
That's a mystery
That will be just once in a lifetime
When the moon is high
Passion never dies
Will you want me for all a lifetime

Once in a lifetime
Once in a lifetime
Once in a lifetime

Giving you my soul
Letting you control
Took away a part of my lifetime
Memories of you
Left me black and blue
Now I know you're once in a lifetime

2007-03-21T17:29:00.000-07:00

ang hirap talaga mag maintain ng blog lalo na kung hindi ka naman talagang writer at madali kang maubusan ng ideas na isusulat. pero i visited the old forum that i have joined and found a thread with title "Joke Thread" and found this entry. naaliw ako sa kanya. wala akong pakialam sa battle of the sexes at hindi rin ako anti-female. natuwa lang talaga ako. here it is:

Drive-Thru ATM Procedures

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is
installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw
cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility
are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their
accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been
developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with
the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate
card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its
excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the
inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back
of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the
slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

2007-03-08T00:39:00.000-08:00

HOW DO YOU KNOW NA ANG PINAPASUKAN MONG OFFICE
AY OFFICE FROM HELL

Ang lobby guard niyo ay si Palito alias Rambuto.

Ang time administrator niyo ay si Cherie Gil at ang morning greeting niya with a smile ay..."Welcome to hell..."

Ang HR head niyo ay si Bella Flores at ang Employee Relations Officer ay si Odette Khan at ang HR Staffing head ay si Dexter Doria...At pag pumasok ka na walang ID o hindi naka-uniform...kakaladkarin ka nila sa buhok palabas ng opisina pagkatapos kang pagsasampalin.

Ang Employee Benefits head ay si Lolit Solis...cge...magreklamo ka na maliit ang sueldo mo...cgeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...I dare you!!!!

Tuwing may problema ang kompanya, ang Corporate Communications head niyo na si Cristy Fermin ang nagbibigay ng official company statement...at ang simula nang kanyang presscon ay..."Galing ito sa isang reliable source at itataya ko ang buhay at karangalan ko dito...wala akong libel case na inuurungan..."

Ang official company driver niyo ay si Vandolph. Do I have to explain?

Kapag kasama mo mag-OT si German Moreno ...walang tulugan!

Ang Legal Investigator niyo ay si Tony Ferrer at ang assistant niya ay si Wengweng...paminsan minsan ay tumutulong si Jojo Acuin at Madam Auring bilang
consultant.

Tuwing bubuksan mo ang filing cabinet andun si Mahal sa loob para iabot ang file na hinahanap mo.

Nung huling company anniversary ay sumayaw ka ng nakadamit babae at sumayaw sa tugtog na "ang ganda ko...feel na feel ang long hair ko..." kinabukasan dumating si Robin Padilla para itanong sa yo kung niloloko mo ang kapatid niya...

Messenger niyo si Kuya Cesar.

Si Boy Abunda ang career counselor mo at tuwing me problema ka ang tanong niya ay..."Mag-usap tayo kaibigan...kung nasa harap ka ng salamin ano ang sasabihin mo sa iyong sarili?"

Si Love Añover ang voice behind your automated phone system. "Mga katsokaran...ip you chuva da number eklavu...dependots 1...ips not...luz valdez ...charing!"

Ang Office Security niyo ay binubuo ng Tulfo Brothers...bigla silang darating sa opisina mo at sasabihin "Hephephep...nag-uuwi ka ng bond paper...tarantadong to ah...manggagantsong butete ka!!!" At pag tumanggi ka...ipapanood nila sa yo ang hidden camera shots na nagpupuslit ka ng 2 pirasong bond paper mula sa printer...habang pinoposasan ka ng mga pulis.

Nung Halloween party niyo ang costume mo ay Lizardo...at dun mo rin first time na-meet ang anak ng may-ari na ang pangalan ay Tristan...alias Panday. Next halloween me tribute sa buhay mo na ipapalabas.

Tuwing pasko ang prize committee head ay si Bernadette Sembrano at Vicky Morales. Taon taon din ay nanalo ka ng bananacue at pedicab showcase. At nangangarap ka na sana next time si Willie naman para me jeepney.

Si Michael Fajatin ang laging nagpe-present ng annual report niyo..."Mga Igan...nung umabot sa PhP50M ang ating kinita...kumita tayo ng PhP50M...matapos nating magtrabaho ng matindi kumita tayo ng PhP50M pero bago yan ay nagtrabaho muna tayo saka tayo kumita ng PhP50M."

Boss mo si Big Brother...at alam niya na lampas 15 minutes ka nag-coffee break kaya kailangan mo mag-type nang gamit ang ilong mo hanggang patawarin ka niya.

Kaopisina mo si Arnold Clavio at pag naka-leave siya...OIC niya si Arn-Arn.

(galing sa forwarded email.)

2007-02-05T22:57:00.000-08:00

election time is getting nearer and nearer.

i hate elections. para kasi akong magkaka-diabetes sa tamis ng mga pangako ng mga pulitiko. some of them are kept and some are forgotten. unfortunately for us, there are more forgotten promises than the kept. that is what i hate about the politicians.

i hate the voters too. they always go for the underdog. ung inaapi. blame it on the movies. ang bida laging nagpapabugbog sa simula but will end up triumphant. that's not always the case in real life. oftentimes, the underdogs are underdogs because they really lack what is needed of a leader. therefore, i do not believe that underdogs will end with the last laugh. when elected, they are oftentimes lost in the system of this and that. we all know that it is not easy to lead a country. it is harder to lead a third world country. but the worst country to lead is a third world country whose citizens lack discipline. and do not vote wisely. they always go for the famous and the underdog.

one more thing, when Filipinos cast their votes, umaasa silang aahon sila sa kahirapan pagkatapos ng 3 linggo na maluklok sa pwesto ang binoto nila. it's plain impossible. they vote for a leader not a savior from poverty. at least not directly. a leader should be able to generate jobs for the citizens of this poor country. NOT WORK FOR THEM. the citizens should still find for themselves their food for the next meal. not to sit by the road and wait for the grace to fall by their feet. that's not how it works. their leader will not do that for them. they should still work for themselves.

there are many other things i hate about elections but i think this is getting a little too long.

2007-01-31T04:36:00.000-08:00

My Last Cry

Happiness is a hollow word isn’t it?
An empty promise of forever
For forever never really comes
It drifts away when you thought you had it reached

Sadness is a funny word I think
It comes to you when you least expect it
Just when you think you had it shrugged
You will realize it had your back

Bliss lasts for a fleeting moment
You will never be able to hold on to it
It has gone before you know it’s there
Like a comet you haven’t wished to

A friend to stay is known as misery
You will wonder about its origin
Or how was it able to find you
It’s with you long after you wish it’ll go.

2007-01-29T20:17:00.001-08:00

The icy wind sliced through my face, my arms, my legs and my whole body. The ice is now melting somewhere in Japan or China. I stopped a tricycle to take me to the jeepney terminal. The wind felt stronger and my knee ached a bit and my whole body shivered because it is so cold. My flesh is being torn apart and I curled for protection. It was no use. I called your name. It was no use still. I need warmth, human warmth.

The journey, though short, is lonely. It is painful to a point. I feel my flesh being shredded. The pain is unbearable. I have endured so much before but this one tests how strong am I. Why do I have to go through this? I need somebody to help me. It hasn’t been long since I was left alone but the impact is so great. It shook me to my foundations. I didn’t see it coming. I have my eyes locked on my target and my target is clear. But they all shattered to bits.

The road is not friendly either. It is very dark and there’s no friendly face in 1km radius. The only noise to be heard is the one generated by the tricycle. It’s a sad sound. It’s like a groan of a grizzly that just lost her cub. You’ll never want to near its source because you may be harmed. But then again, you might be not. I’m still lost in my mind and drifting somewhere I do not know. What is this hollow feeling? Oh, not another question. They’re just popping anywhere and they always forget to bring answers along. Damn those questions.

In an instant, I have become a worrier. It’s really not like me to worry so much. I haven’t known a single happy go lucky person to worry as much as I do. Everyone knows that I am happy go lucky and I know am indifferent. Now I’m different. I think I aged ten more years in a span of two weeks. I am reminded by the freezing air that I am still young and I got so much time in my hands. “Do what you want to do with it and make sure you don’t regret whatever decision you have come up to.” This is what my teacher told me before and now it played in my mind again.

It will not be my fault if I failed but it will be my fault if I will not try.

2007-01-25T00:49:00.001-08:00

i asked myself why i should continue with this blog? who's reading this blog anyway? i don't even have an idea whether it is visited or not. i would love to hear from my readers. negative comments will be more appreciated than the positive ones. it will help me improve what i need to improve. when i first created an account here, that is what i expected.

but that didn't happen. i waited and waited for a strayed reader to put a comment on my writing. i wanted to be a writer so comments, especially negative ones, will let me see all the aspects that need to be improved. nothing came. at first i was frustrated. i wanted to stop posting.

why do i want to stop posting aside from not getting any comments? i am lazy guy. a real lazy guy. i'd rather lay back and relax than to sit in front of my PC and strike the keys. secondly, it's not really a hobby for me. some people say that i am a good writer. some has no comment at all. some sees the technical flaws of my work. but which really is which?

i asked myself again, why am i doing this? rather than thinking about what i can improve, i think about what relief it has given me. blogging has become an outlet for me to think out loud without having my identity exposed. let my reader think what kind of person am i. let them have an image of me. what do i do, am i really the one who wrote my posts are some of the possible questions that might strike my readers' minds. though i haven't posted my frustration here yet, i think i am letting my emotions on all my posts. i can also convey my thoughts on things that happen around me. that way, readers can have an image of me.

my blog is also my alter ego. my innermost self is exposed on my posts. my emotional and serious side thinks aloud every time i post. while my jolly side is my facade. it's not like i am a hypocrite but it's just not like me to be really serious in front of many people. they might laugh at me. i don't think that anyone would have believe it is me who posted all of these had i told those people i know.

so i promised myself that i will keep blogging even if nobody reads my posts.

2007-01-24T03:46:00.000-08:00

INDECESION

Indecision - doubt concerning two or more possible alternatives or courses of action.

Sample sentence: "his indecision was only momentary but the opportunity was lost"

There are times in our lives where come across a crossroads. There’s nothing wrong in taking our time to stop and think which way to take. Though sometimes the decision has to be made the moment we got there otherwise we might lose something or someone.

Indecision. I’ve been bothered for some time now. What should I do? I weighed all my options; one is almost as significant as the other. Indecision. Which road should I take? One road leads away from the other and once I take my pick, it will be too late to turn back.

They said that only those who dared to fail deserve to succeed. I just came from a devastating defeat and I haven’t fully got up yet. It’s not that I don’t want to but I fell from a very high place. Getting up at once is simply impossible. Do I need a break? I definitely think so. But the crossroads offer very little time. I got so much to do but do I have the time I need? Even if I doubled my time and do all of them one after the other, the injury I got isn’t fully healed yet.

Indecision.

If I am to follow the rules of reason, I have to take the way that will lead me away from joy and happiness and take the road of loneliness. The first road offers a hard trek. Most of them are on the very edge of a high cliff. The farther you tread that road, the trickier and higher it gets. The possibility of falling and injuring me again is very high. Could I still take it? The other road on the other hand is well maintained of. It is wide with all the precautionary signs scattered all over the place. Actually, those aren’t needed as the road itself is very safe.

Looking beyond, the tricky road has a palace on the very top of its peak. Though the travel towards it is very dangerous, the reward is far more than just satisfying. It is I think the most beautiful one will ever see. The other road however, has no end to it. You will travel and travel until your weary legs take you to another crossroads. What if the next time around, the opportunity offered is just too great to pass up? Will there be another indecision?

2006-11-06T22:27:00.000-08:00

Phil Army Lingo

here are some english terms that i learned here at the Phil Army:

burned out - nung una akala ko ito ung alam kong burned out na wasted ka na or talagang stressed out ka na to the point na hindi ka na productive sa trabaho mo. sa mga sundalo hindi pala ganun un. ang ibig sabihin nun sa mga sundalo, buking ka na. ung dirty little secret mo alam na ng lahat. wala ka ng tinatago.

make fast - nung sinabi to ng isang major nun, galit na galit sya kasi ang bagal magsikilos ng mga tao nya. makikita mong nanginginig ang muka nya sa galit. talagang kung hindi ko narinig na sinabi nya to baka naihi ako sa pantalon ko eh. kaso wala eh. natawa na lang ako. hay!

votation - nung bago lang ako dito sa army, binabago nila ung management ng cooperative nila. nagbobotohan sila ng mga magiging bagong officers ng cooperative and at the same time, nagre-recruit sila ng mga bago. kami un. nung marinig ko ung votation, nawalan ako ng gana. hindi ako sumali.

cottonized - may naghahanap sa min ng shorts nyang nawawala daw. tinanong namin sya kung anong itsura ng short na hinahanap nya. sabi nya ung camouflage daw. ung ginagamit sa tae bo. lahat kami meron nun so tinanong pa namin ng further description ng hinahanap nya. sabi nya cottonized daw ung shorts nya. inisip ko na lang na dating nylon o satin o kahit na anong klase ng tela na ginawa lang cotton kaya cottonized.

other side - (this is said during tae bo time by the tae bo instructor) sa totoo lang walang problema sa grammar nito. pero sinasabi nya sa min to while we're facing front and he actually wants us to face right or left. bahala ka na lang manghula kung san ka dapat humarap pag sinabi nya un sa ganung sitwasyon.

continue to carry on - sinabi to nung speech ng isang high ranking officer nung ma-assign sya to be one of the leader of one of the largest command ng army. so he want us to continue to carry on with our jobs and make the philippine army a better army. so does he want us to continue to continue or carry on carrying on? ewan hindi ko malaman kung ano dun.

side by side - (during tae bo uli) eto nakakabaliw na. kasi everytime that an exercise requires body movement from left to right, he would say "side by side!" hindi ko alam kung ang gusto nya eh dikitan ko ung katabi ko habang nag-e-exercise o ano. hindi ko alam.

disclaimer: hindi ko to isinulat para pagkatuwaan o laitin ang mga sundalo natin pero nakakatawa lang talaga.

2006-10-26T17:56:00.000-07:00

MYMP

last night was a night to remember for me. you see, i like MYMP (especially Juris) a lot. i like the way they render a song, both original and revival. and Juris' voice is just angelic. i feel calm inside whenever i hear her sing. and i find her really beautiful too.

i, together with a friend, watched their gig in greenbelt last night and it was really fun. their front act, Dindo, is a good singer too. i really like acoustic songs and he is one good acoustic artist though there part of his style in singing that i don't like personally but overall, i find him cool. i requested that he sing "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls and he quickly obliged. my friend requested for three songs and he sang two of them. he may be so kind in singing the requested songs to him partly because he is not yet a known artist. it's just a speculation but we all know that when a singer is gaining fame, they usually change their attitude a bit. well, when you gain fame, more requests will come to you so you really won't be able to entertain all of them. that is what happening with MYMP.

then it's MYMP's turn to sing and entertain the people in the venue. of course they did their usual intro. the band will play some music that is unknown to me then Juris will climb the stage after about a minute of playing music by the band then they play 3 or so songs before giving the crowd a warm welcome to their gig. then a little talk about this and that. they sing for about two hours so it's really a good choice to watch the gig instead of the concerts cuz you get to see them up close. at some point during the gig, i came close to the stage to take a picture of Juris while she is singing. as i was about to click away, she suddenly posed for me to get a better pic of her. i really appreciated what she did because she's not doing it all the time. then after the show, we again took pictures of her and one of them, she posed with my friend. i was about to pose with her when people starting swarming her so i changed my mind and walked away instead. she is really very accommodating for a famous celebrity and i'm glad i went to watch them last night.

2006-10-23T17:33:00.000-07:00

man of the night

pumunta kami kagabi ng mga officemates ko sa market market para mag canvass ng presyo ng mga celphone kasi bibili na uli ako ng celphone after a long time. i was wearing this shirt that i bought from penshoppe. its color is brown, so brown that it looked like chocolate shirt and there is large print in front of it saying "ARE YOU LOOKING FOR MR RIGHT OR MR RIGHT NOW?" it is not the first time i wore the shirt so it is just another lakwatsa for us with me so clueless on what lies ahead of me.

our first stop, lamon. as in lumamon ako. gutom ako eh. nothing special here. next stop for us, celphone stores sa technology market. this is where the night took its turning point. there is this saleslady who has been reading my shirt since we got there. it was so obvious that my shirt caught her attention and when i approached her to ask for the price of one of my prospective celphone and she wasn't able to restrain herself and told me "Ows?" i was like, whoa! what in the world is wrong with you? hindi ka nakapagpigil huh? pero sa totoo lang, nasira yung momentum ko sa mga gagawin ko eh. as in like isang phone na lang ang naitanong ko ang presyo then umalis na ko sa sobrang ilang. nakakailang talaga. then we went around the technology market looking for cheaper phones and almost every girl there can't stop ogling at my shirt. i told myself "effective ang shirt ko tonight!" i do not know what's so special about it but it was like that.

then my officemate went to the department store to buy a new polo. he was fitting the polo when the salesladies huddled together, giggling. i didn't know what they are up to because i was so busy with the celphone. i was trying to contact a very important person at that time so i really wasn't paying attention to them and whatever they are doing. then when my officemate came out of the fitting room he told me na ang lakas ng trip nung mga salesladies. nagpaparinig daw n g wanted: temporary boyfriend. yung isa nga daw nilagyan pa ng plakard sa likod saying the same thing. again, they are focused on my shirt. sabi nga ng mga officemates ko pinagtitinginan daw ako last night pero sabi ko hindi ako ang tinitignan nila, ung damit ko ang tinitignan nila. totoo naman pero every girl and gay na masalubong namin hindi pwedeng hindi tumingin sa shirt ko and then to me. *sigh* it is getting boring and it is getting to my nerves. i was never used to such attention given to me. but to be honest, i am liking it cuz it is something different. hindi kasi ako good looking guy and i am not cool either.

the night went with us saying "Ows?" everytime somebody talks and it has became the word of the night. but hey, i am looking for another shirt with almost the same slogan or something much cooler.

2006-08-29T05:24:00.000-07:00

MGA MALALABONG TAO

minsan sa buhay natin hindi maiwasang makatagpo tayo ng mga taong hindi mo malaman kung anong gusto. parang double jeopardy, damned if you do, damned if you don't.

nung freshman high school ako, merong college professor na epal hindi ko alam kung anong trip nya at dun sya pumwesto sa tapat ng pila namin. ang totoo, wala sana akong pakialam sa kanya. kung hindi sana nya kami pinilit kumanta lahat ng malakas ng "lupang hinirang". ang totoo kasi hindi ako kumakanta. alam ko kasi ang kalibre ng boses ko. ung tipong papuntang monumento ung tugtog, boses ko papuntang alabang. wala akong nagawa kundi kumanta kasi medyo intimidating ung presence nya. sabi nya mahina daw boses namin. nilakasan ko. sukat ba namang lumingon sya, nanlilisik ang mga mata sabay sabi ng "sino ung sintunado?!" habang nanginginig ang muka nya. akala ko may lalabas na mga alupihan sa mga mata at ilong nya sa sobrang takot ko. simula nun, hindi na talaga ako kumanta sa flag raising ceremony namin. thanks to her.

tapos minsan naman, magpapaalam akong magpunta sa kung saan. ang unang tanong, anong meron? tapos, sinu-sino kasama mo? anong oras ka uuwi? saan un? nagsaing ka na ba? naglinis ng bahay? ng lababo? nagtiklop ka na ba ng mga nilabhan? at maraming marami pa. ung tipong nasa kalagitnaan pa lang kami ng tanungan blues namin, 1 hour late na ko. ugaling ugali kong hindi magpa-late. hindi na lang ako pupunta kesa late ako. kaya ayun, nautakan na lang ako. kaya ang ginagawa ko, magpapaalam ako ung bihis na ko para wala ng tanggi. hehehe.

pero sa lahat ng malabo, ung mga babaeng nagiging close sa kin. lalo na ung mga naging grilfriends ko. grabe. magtatanong ng "nasa bahay ka lang ba kagabi pagkatapos nating mag-usap sa phone?" sabihin mong oo, sasabihin nya na "sigurado ka?". sabihin mong oo, isusunod nya, "hindi ka nagpunta sa barkada mong mahilig sa inom?" sabihin mong hindi, tanong naman nya "eh sa bahay ng ex mo?" sabihin mong "anong gagawin ko dun?", sabihin nya, "malay ko sa u" tapos makakaamoy ako na nagdududa sya, sasabihin nya na nagsisiguro lang sya. eh di ganun nga un. kung hindi naman talaga sya malabo eh. minsan naman magtatanong sa u, pag sinagot mo, hindi maniniwala. tapos pag sinagot mo ng sagot na tipong alanganin, iiyak sasabihin nya niloloko ko sya. hay ewan.

2006-08-08T23:25:00.000-07:00

My Lolo

"james po", i was reminded of the commercial as i patiently remind him of who i am. "sinong james?" i am asked for the nth time. "apo po ninyo. anak ni evelyn." i had to say it louder for his faint hearing to catch. he just nodded as he heard my mom's, his daughter, name. i know fully well that he can't remember me at all. he, together with my lola, raised me up in the quiet refuge of romblon. oh yes, i resided in that paradise for couple and a half years and i am not ashamed of it. i feel so sad that he cannot recognize me anymore due to old age and sadnees because my lola already passed away. every night, my uncle said, that he still cries even though it's been two years since then.

he is a pastor though he has to stop being one after he suffered from stroke for the second time. the left part of his body was paralized after the incident. we had a hard time understanding what he says since then but we got used to it. i had a good time growing up with him. though he is grumpy most of the time, i know that he likes us. he loves us. i know there are times when we get him angry, i know that it is only for a fleeting moment.

throughout my chilhood with him, he was with my lola. they do things together and they showed us what love truly meant. he taught us to make God the center of our lives. he read us verses from the Bible and explain things to us, just like the old times. i never knew what those meant then. i am just enjoying every moment with them and that is enough for me. and to return the favor, i studied well. i made myself competent student. i was even honored as valedictorian of my class.

then because of old age, all his senses went weak. his memory is failing him all the time. he has 8 children but he can only recognize one of them. it really is saddening to see his weakening body. i was used to see him strong for his age. now his body is fast catching up with his age. when i approach him to "mano", the first thing he will do is ask me who i am. all the time. same with my cousins and nieces and nephews. he forgot everybody.

but there are two persons (?) very close to his heart he never forgot. my lola. oh yes, he cries everynight since she passed away. that what true love is. i think he remembers her not by his mind, but by his heart. they've become one by heart and by their spirits. he also never forgot God. never a night passed that he didn't pray. he never eat a meal without giving thanks to our Creator.

now he is dead. he suffered from stroke for the third time. this time it's fatal. but in his deathbed, his face looks so calm. as if he saw it coming. i don't know how can he be so calm even in his death. but what really amazed me is the fact that he showed us how to be a true God's man.

2006-08-06T19:29:00.000-07:00

FireFox Rules!!!

I have been using mozilla firefox as my web browser for over a year now. i liked it from the very start. i could open multiple websites in a single window. it is the signature of the mozilla firefox. aside from that, i feel secure using the browser because worms and spywares cannot install any programs in my computer without my permission. and as if i will allow it. i also has a lower memory usage than internet explorer which means i could do my job faster as i researcher.

then i stumbled upon their extensions. at first, i am not giving it a damn. i mean, i got what i wanted so what do i need for? but i was wrong. as i was left with nothing more to do with the web, i tried to read about these extensions. man, how cool are they! web browsing can't be better than using firefox. here are some of the extensions that i use.

faster fox:

Performance and network tweaks for Firefox.

Fasterfox allows you to tweak many network and rendering settings such as simultaneous connections, pipelining, cache, DNS cache, and initial paint delay.

Dynamic speed increases can be obtained with the unique prefetching mechanism, which recycles idle bandwidth by silently loading and caching all of the links on the page you are browsing.

A popup blocker for popups initiated by Flash plug-ins is also included.

video downloader:

Download videos from Youtube, Google, Metacafe, iFilm, Dailymotion... and other 60+ video sites ! And all embedded objects on a webpage (movies, mp3s, flash, quicktime, etc) ! Directly !

VideoDownloader add a small icon on the status bar at the bottom of your firefox window, and a toolbar button. Just click that and download the video you are watching !
source:https://addons.mozilla.org/extensions.php?app=%7bec8030f7-c20a-464f-9b0e-13a3a9e97384%7d

i have others. i could view in my firefox browser a website the way IE could've shown it. so now, i don't have any problems with sites that cannot be opened through firefox!

2006-07-18T05:52:00.000-07:00

one time, nakasakay ako sa jeep together with my classmates at that time going to the house of one of us. may mama na nagbayad ng limang piso pero sabi ng driver, 5.50 daw ang pamasahe. so yung mama, bumubulong-bulong pa habang dumudukot ng pitaka nya. halatang ayaw ng ibigay yung 50 sentimos. bumunot ng 100 pesos si lokong mama. iniisip nya na hindi na kukunin ng driver ung 50 sentimos kasi abala pang suklian yun. ang kaso mas maloko yung driver, sinuklian ng 99.50 yung mamang natulala sa nangyari.

hindi ko alam kung ako lang ang nakapansin sa nangyari kasi walang natatawa. ako lang. nakakatawa nga ba yun? pero kung pag-iisipan mo uli, maaaring sumasalamin lang ang pangyayaring yun sa katayuan ng bawat isa sa ating mga Pilipino.

kung iisipin natin, sa hirap nga naman ng buhay, parang kahit 50 sentimos, ang hirap pakawalan. sa parte ng pasahero, kung yung 5.50 pamasahe babawasan, gagawing 5 piso at itatabi nya yung 50 sentimong natitipid nya araw araw, bawat pang-labing-isang byahe nya, libre na. dahil sa natipid nya. sa parte naman ng driver, kung ang bente (sa syaman na jeep, 18 sa loob, 2 sa harap wala pang sabit) nyang pasahero magbabayad ng menos 50 sentimo, 10 piso agad ang nawala sa isang punuang byahe nya (kung lahat terminal-terminal). ang isang balikan nya, isang kilong bigas na. kasya na un na tanghalian ng pamilya nya kung 5 sila.

kahit natatawa ako sa nangyaring un, wala akong masisi sa kanilang ginawa. mas maigi na yun kesa naman nagnakaw sila. mahirap lang talaga ang buhay ngayon, lalo na pag hindi ka pinanganak sa pamilya ni lopez, cojuangco o ng kung sino pang mayamang pamilya. totoong mahirap mabuhay pag mahirap ka. pero sa kin, hindi ko pa rin nakakalimutan ang sinabi ng teacher ko nung nasa high school pa ko. hanggang ngayon dala ko un. sabi nya: "pag pinanganak kang mahirap, kasalanan ng magulang mo yun. pero pag namatay kang mahirap, kasalanan mo na yun." para sa kin, 100% totoo to. pwede mong sisihin ang magulang mo sa pagiging mahirap nyo ng ipanganak ka. pero sinong matinong anak ang gagawa nun? ang mga gumagawa lang nun eh yung mga anak na walang alam kundi makiuso. ang tawag ko sa kanila TANGA! magalit ka sa kin pag tinamaan ka. pero para sa kin matutuwa pa ko pag nagalit ka sa kin. kasi alam kong kahit papano alam kong apektado ka. nasa yo na nga lang kung magbabago ka o hindi. pero pag tumanda kang mahirap, wag mong sisihin ang gobyerno, ang magulang mo, ang kapitbahay mo, ang alagang aso ng lolo mo o ang patay na kuko ng pusa mo. walang may gawa nyan kundi ikaw.

oo, minsan ka lang magiging bata kaya kailangang magsaya. wala akong angal dun. pero sana habang nagsasaya ka, inihahanda mo na rin ang daang tatahakin mo. dapat hindi nawawala sa paningin mo ang mga pangarap mo at wag mong sasabihin sa king wala kang pangarap. hindi ako maniniwala dun. dapat din na sa paglipas ng mga araw ng buhay mo, gumagawa ka ng paraan para matupad ang pangarap mo dahil hindi yan magagawa ng kahit na sino para sa yo. oo, ikaw lang ang makakagawa nun para sa sarili mo kahit gano ka pa kayaman.

wag mo sanang isiping de-bilang ang mga kilos ko. gumigimik din ako. naglulustay ng pera, minsan sa walang wentang bagay. normal din ako. pero lahat ng sinulat ko dito nasusunod ko. hindi boring ang buhay ko pero lahat ginagawa ko hindi naman para talagang yumaman pero para umangat naman ang antas ng kabuhayan namin. pero kung ipapahintulot na yumaman ako, sino ako para tumanggi?

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

i'm a fan of bob ong cuz i find all his books enlightening. yeah, i think i used the right word. for it to be enlightening, it must have grains of truth in it. you don't believe me? read his books. if you still disagree, then it's not for me to worry. lolz.

anyway, this post has nothing to do with him nor his books. i said it here so that whoever may wonder why this post is written the way he does, he'll know at once.

2006-07-11T18:48:00.000-07:00

To Think What We Want to Think

i was searching for something which i forgot what it is. then i came across this psycho-analysis thing and it got my attention. psychology and psychologists never fail to amaze me. so i took my time to read the article. whoa! what the... psychology is really amazing. i have to understand this. i might turn out to be amazing too. i read it again. nothing still. maybe the third time. hmmm.... the fourth. argh! what it is this?

Psycho-Analysis Finally Explained

Psycho-Analysis, which is easier to understand than to spell, tells us what we really think when we think we think a thing. Without psycho-analysis, we should never know that when we think a thing, the thing we think is not the thing we think we think, but only the thing that makes us think we think the thing we think we think.

It is all a question of the Unconscious. The Unconscious enables us to think we are thinking about the thing we think we want to think about, while all the time the thing we really want to think about is being thought about unconsciously by the Unconscious.

The Unconscious is a survival from our barbaric ancestry and has no manners.

As the sort of thing the Uniconscious thinks about is not the sort of thing we care to think we think about, the Unconscious takes care not to let us think it is thinking about what it is thinking about. If we are in any danger of thinking we are thinking about what we are really thinking about, the thing we are thinking about is sublimated into something we don't mind thinking we are thinking about.

Actually, the Unconscious is divided into two parts: the part that thinks the thing, and the part that prevents our thinking we are thinking the thing. This preventing of our thinking we are thinking the thing we do not care to think we are thinking is called Repression.

Repression is due to the Super-Ego, which is very genteel.

There is friction between the Super-Ego and the coarse part of the Unconscious, or the

Id.

The Id thinks a thing which the Super-Ego thinks it ought not to think, and the Super-Ego represses the thing which the Id thinks, so that we never think we think it. But unless the Id thinks we are thinking it, the Id becomes dissatisfied and causes trouble.

As, whatever the Id thinks, we can only think we are thinking the sort of thing the Super-Ego thinks we ought to think, we have to make the Id think we are thinking we are thinking the thing the Id thinks, by thinking we are thinking something that is something like the thing the Id is thinking. If we can fool the Id we are all right. If not, there is no thinking what we may be thinking.

It comes, then, to this: the things we think we think are the things that the Super-Ego thinks are the things to think, and that the Id thinks are the things it thinks.

I think that's perfectly clear.

2006-07-06T20:17:00.000-07:00

this is gonna be my first blog here so i think it's proper to introduce myself first before anything else.

i will not put my name here to avoid any prejudice with my writings in case anybody who knows me from the previous and present life bumps into this. i work as a network security specialist, systems administrator and network administrator in a government organization and i've been here for almost two years now. i have been writing things which are in my mind for ages. they can be highly informative or just plain piece of my ever busy mind. i write poems, essays (been recognized and awarded) and short stories. most of them are buried into oblivion right after it was written. i've been planning to contribute a piece to young blood but never put into action because of insecurity. it's not that i'm not confident enough with my writting style but it's the flow of my wrtting that most of my peers find some flaws.

anyway, i love writting about the sports i like. these are basketball, formula1 racing, billiards, baseball among many others. when i watch the tv, i am glued to espn and star sports 90% of the time. i follow every sport that i know how to play myself, i don't race though. i also like music, especially those good old days (i was born 1981). i like eraserheads, rivermaya, teeth, the dawn, true faith, tropical depression, after image, mojofly, mymp and many other local band. i like green day for foreign bands.

maybe this has been enough to give some rough background about me. ciao!